she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize