At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
