Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
