Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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