i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
