Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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