did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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