just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
