i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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