i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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