Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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