White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
