Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
