i think my tv is drunk
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
