I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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