In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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