Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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