Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
