I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I am available for nakedness
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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