i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
