and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize