I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
