Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
