I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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