You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
