I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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