false alarm. still invincible.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
