Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
