Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
