I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
