the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
