i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
