that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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