THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
