she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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