He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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