Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize