Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
