the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
