It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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