why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
