btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
