I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
