If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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