i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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