weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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