My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
