ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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