I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
