break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize