I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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