He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
