3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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