Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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