Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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