oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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