FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
