just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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