and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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