The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize