Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
