How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
