It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
