we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
