i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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