After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
