but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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