watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
